Laughing at My Last Title

Well it has been a little more then a month since my last post, time does fly! And this post is running in the same theme as my last one, in fact the title could not possibly ring more true! Everything IS permanent till it changes!

My job changed yet again. Being a wedding planner would have been great fun, but it was more fulltime then I was looking for. However, God dropped two other, perfect jobs into my lap! I recieved a phone call from an old boss asking me to come back to work for her. I used to do lectures in high schools all over the state, and they have not had someone in that possition since I left to work for the church! I accepted the job and have been doing that for a couple weeks now. I had forgot just how much I enjoyed this job! Working with the students is a lot of fun! The job is low maintence and makes great money! The other job that fell into my lab is working as a Tech at Spine and Sport Rehab Center with Therese Griffin. One day my dad and I were talking about how I needed a job in the feild I am pursuing (Exercise Science) and literally the next day I received a call from Therese about the job opening. So on Monday and Thursday nights I work at Spine and Sport and Tuesday and Thursday days I work in schools. The best part is, for the first time since I was 14 years old, I have Saturday's off!!

School has started. I'm not very good at the book part :) I must say Anatomy and Physiology is very very HARD! This class will take more time and work than any other class I have ever taken. It will be a long semester, but many people have gone before me, and survived, so I will too! My Music teacher does not seem to know that his class is for NON MAJORS, but I'm hanging in there thanks to Amanda's help! My other two classes are pretty easy.

But the biggest change has probably been the fact that I'm courting!! I knew I didn't not want to stay single forever, but this was the last thing I was expecting right now. Ken has been pursuing me for a couple years and his friendship meant a lot to me, but I kept telling him I wasn't ready for anything more then friendship. Even up to the day before we started courting I was professing that I loved being single and was not ready to be in a relationship. But God had another plan. Everything else in my life was changing right now, why not this too?! The last 3 weeks have been great. And I have really enjoyed the changes in my relationship with Ken.

So it seems the theme of change has countinued in my life, but now instead of being scared of what change might bring, I'm excited about what the Lord has coming next!

Everything is Permanent till it Changes

My life has been full of change this summer. For about 2 weeks I felt like I was being flipped upside down and inside out, for someone who hates change, this is not fun! It started with making the choice to go to school fulltime, in fact it was BECAUSE of going to school fulltime.

My job had to change, I had been working fulltime and needed to cut to part time. But then I found out, I couldnt make my bills on the money I would make part time at my current job, so even after selling my car (another change) that meant job hunting. I found a new job in 2 days, which was so fast it scared me. I called some companies to see if they were looking for event planners and had "A Personal Touch" offer me their wedding department. So I had to make an on the spot choice, and I took the job. I still don't know for sure if I will make enough money that I don't need to wait tables too but that did mean: working from home. Working from home meant I needed a desk. I haven't had a desk since elementary school.... yeah I didn't do homework in Jr or High School... So that meant big changes in my room. I did a huge clean out, threw away a lot of stuff, gave away a lot of stuff and I'm hoping to sell a lot of stuff. My dad built me a desk which I painted yesterday, I bought a laptop ($450 that I didn't have) and now have an in home office to work from.

School hasn't started yet, but will in another 2 weeks. So in the course of 2 months, I went from a fulltime admin. assistant at Chesapeake Community Church who had her life semi-together to a scattered (and scared) wedding planner who goes to school fulltime. Nothing about my life in September will resemble my life in July, execpt I am still the daughter of the King of Kings and no matter how out of control my life may seem, He still has it together, and He still has me in His hands, and He still has a plan that is much bigger then my scope of vision could handle even if He showed me. Who would have guessed that with all the changes, so much could stay the same?

So I cried...

I had to make some gut wrenching, adult decisions this week, and I have decided that I would really rather just stay a child. But since that wasn't on my list of options, I had to sell my Mustang.

I've known this was coming since January, but I had decided not to think about it. The only car I ever wanted as a kid was a red Mustang convertible. That was my dream car. About 3 years ago, I was in a place where I could afford one. I was working fulltime and living at home. I prayed about if for about 6 months. Was it really wise to spend that much money on a car? Shouldn't I be saving my money? I talked to my parents, and my mom said "Cheryl, you have always wanted this car, now might be the only chance you get to have it because once you are married you won't be able to afford it. You should buy it." My mom is the conservative one in our family so the fact that she said this was definitely confirmation from the Lord! I began my search for the perfect car. Finally I found it in the Pocono Mountains. My deep red Mustang GT Convertible, 40th Anniversary edition, with up graded 6 disc changer, Mach speakers, Bullitt brush aluminum interior, grey cloth seats and the boot cover. I talked the guy down $6K and walked out the door happy. I had so much fun in that car! And got my fair share (+ someone else’s') of tickets. But all good things must come to an end.

In order to go to school fulltime, I cannot work fulltime, which means I could no longer afford the payment. I started looking for a used car and I got a great deal. I was able to pay off my Mustang and walk out the door with about $5k in my pocket to pay off some other bills (namely high credit cards, gas for a V8 Mustang isn’t cheap!) and a cute little V6 2001 Cougar. But the process was painful.

I had people say stuff like "You can't sell that car! It's part of your persona!" or "I never got to drive it!" or "But it fits you so well!" or "WHY!?!?" one person even said "I will put sack cloth on and morn for you!" Needless to say, this was not making it easier! I had no idea how many people from church or my neighborhood would be affected by my car change! So many people at church asked about it. And the kids in my neighborhood (who loved to go for rides in the Mustang) were heart broken!

I knew on Monday that I was going to be parting with my baby that week, and I couldn’t sleep. Tuesday I went to finalize the deal. I cried all night Tuesday night too. Wednesday was rough, I tried to enjoy driving the car for the last day, but it was more sad then happy. (For you non-car people this might sound over dramatized) After the men's softball game, I went to give my car up and come home with a new one. I cried while I cleaned my car out, but after that I held it together through signing the papers. The guys at the dealership keep talking about how nice it was, and they couldn't believe I was getting rid of it. My dad leaned over to one and said "Don't talk to her too much about it, she will cry!" (Thanks dad!) The finance guy says as he was putting it into the computer "Yellow 2001 cougar being traded for a .... 2004 Mustang GT Convertible..? Hmmmm. This usually goes the other way!" Yeah I know... I pulled away in my Yellow Cougar, and cried some more.

Thursday I went to work Sacha gave me a hug and was very encouraging. I was painting the ladies bathroom in the basement, which was good because I was away from everything. Emily stopped by and she popped her head in to say hi. "I saw the car out there! Very nice! It fits you very well! When did that happen?" I tried to smile "Last night." And then I started to cry again. She felt bad for making me cry, said sorry and gave me a hug.

After she and Sacha went back up stairs, I thought, this is ridiculous! What is wrong with me? I completely fell apart on the floor in the bathroom and just started praying. I realized just how much I had wrapped my identity in this car, and how important I had made an inanimate object. It is just a car! I knelt there on the floor crying out to the Lord, asking forgiveness and praying that He would continue to work in my heart. I even thanked Him for taking my car from me so that He could do this work.

I am amazed at how releasing this was. It felt like a huge weight was lifted off of me, and suddenly I could breathe again. Praise God for taking me through the hard stuff, and being there when I was ready to repent so He could bring me peace!

The Cougar is a good car, its cute, sporty, a manual and good on gas, it fits just about all the things I said I wanted. And its half the payment with a lower insurance cost… can’t beat that. Unless your sitting next to it at a red light in Mustang GT…. Green! :)

I'm Back!

It feels so good to be home, and have my life back! Miss Maryland Week was wonderful, thank you all so much for your prayers! I didn't place, actually, I didn't even make the Top Ten! But I do feel like I did what I was there to do. This year was different then in the past, I just had a peace, the emotional roller coaster that I have been on in the past, wasn't there, and I know that was from the prayer coverage, and the Holy Spirit ministering to my heart. So here are some of the opportunities I had:

On the first day, I found out that my roommate's boyfriend had just broke up with her because he was a Christian and he knew he could not be with a non-Christian. I was really hoping this would spark some good conversations between us, but she didn't speak English well, and I'm not sure she understood most of what I said.

While we were in rehearsals, the outgoing Miss MD was practicing with us, and she wasn't feeling good. She took a break and put her head between her knees making it clear she felt she was going to pass out. Someone went to get her a water, and I asked our choreographer if it would be okay for me to take a break and pray for her. The choreographer looked at me funny, then said it was fine. When I asked Rachel if I could pray for her, she also looked at my funny, then said "you know, I would really appreciate that." She came back to me later in the week to thank me again for praying for her as well.

Later that night one of the other girls who was in my group and saw me pray for Rachel asked me to pray with her before we competed. She was a Christian as well, so it was nice to have someone else there who understood :)

Leah, a favorite to win, is a dancer. She had worked so hard this year and it showed. This was her last year of competition. When she came back from doing her dance routine on prelim night she collapsed on the floor in the wing. She hurt her foot, it looked broken and she was a wreck! The same choreographer I mentioned above was tending to Leah's foot and making arrangements to take her to the ER, I asked again if it would be okay for us to pray for her. Instead of a funny look, I got an irritated look "Just hurry up ok, we need to get her out of here" So I took Leah's hand and started to pray, while I was praying, our circle got bigger and bigger, which was kinda neat. Turned out Leah dislocated part of her foot, she spent all night in the ER and they put it back in. On finals night, she made Top Ten, but not the Top Five. As we were leaving the theater the night Leah hurt her foot, one of our chaperones took my arm and thanked me for praying for Leah. Its funny, growing up in the church culture, I don't think anything of that kind of stuff, when someone gets hurt, we pray. But to these people that is totally foreign.

I also ended up being a counselor in several situations. Everyone seemed to come to me to talk about problems. This girls boyfriend said this to her, that girls roommate is doing this, someone said that. It is so hard to give counsel to a non-Christian. But I hope God was able to use what I said in each situation.

The girls jokingly called me "Reverend Cheryl" I took it as a term of endearment since the girl who started it ALWAYS insists on holding my hand when we pray and doesn't let anyone cut in :) Each night before competition we would get together on stage behind the closed curtain and pray with any of the girls who wanted to join us. Each night all 24 girls chose to pray. I know it is more tradition and even superstition for some of them, but I hope God used it to work in their hearts.

It was also cool to see the ripple effect. Each girl in the Miss MD program has a Princess, which is a young girl who she is mentoring. Emily Bunch was one of my Princesses this year, and it was so cool to see her interacting with the other princesses. The night they were all going on stage at the Teen pageant, Mary brought Emily a dozen roses, and Emily started pulling her roses out and sharing them with the other little girls. Mary and Emily each have their own stories of how God used each of them with other girls and with the other parents, and how Mary was able to walk Emily through situations and use them to point her back to the cross, if you get time, you should ask her about it. I know she would love to share with you about it.

But the coolest part would have to have been having people come up to me from the PAST and talk to me about things I didn't even know the Lord was using! The mom of the Miss Greater Baltimore Princess from last year (Sammy) was there this year as well. As I said earlier, before we compete I always offer to pray with the girls. Well Miss Greater Baltimore was not any different. Evidently Sammy had been standing there when we did, which I do not even remember, but her mom came to me at the Teen pageant last Friday and said "I just want to thank you for praying with the girls, Sammy saw that, and she is still talking about it. That is something we are really trying to instill in her." Also one of my Miss MD Week Moms from last year came up to me at the after-glow and said that she missed being with us this year and blah blah blah, then she asked if I could get together with her for lunch sometime because she has some things that she wants to talk to me about. Evidently things I said last year effected her. I have no idea what it is yet, but I'm praying for wisdom when I do talk to her!

So that's some of my cool stories from Miss MD. Thank you again for all your prayer! I could never have gotten though the week without the Lord's hand on me!! I'm still praying about competing this year. I have one year left, and I don't think I will ever be Miss MD, but the ministry opportunities are worth more then the crown! :)

2 Days to go...

Earlier this week I posted prayer requests for next week at Miss Maryland and someone "anonymously" posted "How do you glorify God in a bikini?" So this post is for you.

First let me start by telling you that I have no doubt in my mind that the Lord has called me to compete in pageants. I have had countless opportunities to share the gospel with people who other wise would not be incline to listen. As an example, my director last year was a homosexual and his experience with Christians had been that they were unloving and hypocritical. But he said on numberous occasions that it was different with my family and it was nice to see people living what they believed. All the girls I compete with know I'm a Christian and they have sought me out and asked me to pray for them many times. Not to mention the opportunities my parents have had with the other parents. When God called me to do pageants, He knew there was a swimsuit competition, it is not like it was a surprise that I would have to wear a swimsuit on stage. But He called me to this place anyway. If he didn't want me in pageants then the doors would not have opened for me the way they have, and I surely would not have ever won a title. But He gave me each title I have had, and each year I have seen my purpose at Miss MD.

Second let me explain to you the swimsuit competition. It is not about sex appeal as some who do not know pageants seem to think. It is about fitness and taking care of the body. Did you know that by Miss America rules a contestant is not allowed on stage in her SS for more then 20 seconds? Just long enough for the judges to see if she is taking care of her body. Which is biblical. As Christian women we are encouraged to model the Proverbs 31 women, and she took care of her her body. It talks about "her arms being strong for her tasks." and some versions say "strengthening her arms for her task." I don't think anyone would argue that we are called to take care of our bodies, keeping them healthy and in shape. Which is exactly what the swimsuit competition is promoting.

Lastly I do not feel that my swimsuit is immodest at all. My dad actually helped me pick it out, as he and my mom do with all of my competition wardrobe. (They approve everything I wear.) There are some swimsuits that I would not wear on stage, on the beach or at the pool. But I feel that if it is something I would wear on the beach or at the pool, then what is the difference in wearing it on stage?

I hope that shows you where I am coming from. We are taught that we can glorify God by vaccuming our house, surely I can glorify Him in the way I compete. If you want to talk to me further, feel free to come ask me about it. I would be happy to talk to you personaly. I love telling people about all the cool things I have seen God do through pageants, everything from working in my heart (as well as the rest of my family), to the opportunities to share and pray with people who might have been "unreachable". Isn't that what evangelism and glorifying God is really about?

4 days and counting

Well I am 4 days away from leaving for Miss Maryland. The week will be packed FULL and I will be absolutely exhausted by next Sunday when it is all over. Here is the schedule for those of you who have asked:

Sunday the 25th:
Arrive 8:30 AM
Drop things off at theater and hotel,
Brief meeting
lunch
sign in ceremony at the Mall
Fashion show
Autograph session at the baseball game
Dinner
Fur Trappers presentation
Dress rehearsal

Monday:
Breakfast appearance
Group Swimsuit photo
rehearsal
lunch
rehearsal
dinner
party
rehearsal

Tuesday:
rehearsal
Lunch
rehearsal
Dinner
Dress rehearsal with pictures

Wednesday: (first day of real competition)
rehearsal
lunch
rehearsal
dinner
Competition (I will do Gown and swimsuit)
Visitation with our families
meeting

Thursday:
rehearsal
lunch
rehearsal
dinner
Competition (I will do On Stage Question and Talent)
Visitation with our families
meeting

Friday:
Interviews in the morning
Lunch with Miss America Jennifer Berry and the Mayor of Hagerstown
rehearsal
Dinner OUT WITH OUR FAMILIES YEAH!
Teen Pageant
Teen Pageant after glow

Saturday (The Big Day)
rehearsal
Luncheon
rehearsal
Final competition
After glow

Sunday July 2nd:
Awards Brunch

As you can see it is very busy and we don't get much sleep! But I suppose I can catch up on sleep when I get home.... So my prayer requests for this week would be:
1. That I can stay focused on the Lord and allow Him to be my peace
2. For wisdom in my interactions with the other girls and opportunities to share God's love with them.
3. For REST
4. That I will not fall into the head games they play or the emotional over load (This kinda goes with #1)
5. That God will be glorified!

Thank you all! Your prayer means so much!

Fear of man?! Never! Well maybe...

If you had asked me a month ago if I struggled with fear of man, I probably would have given you a little laugh and promtly said NO! I mean really? Fear of man?! I'm pretty out going, maybe even a little on the loud side, I can talk to anyone you put me in front of... trust me, no issues here. Well I would have been wrong!

Over the last three months I have been working on a new talent song for Miss MD. I love the song! I love the message behind it! I love the outfit that goes with it! But when it's time to sing it, I get so nervous that I shake, my voice quivers and I choke on the words. Talent has been the thorn in my side since the day I started competeing. I have always told myself I wasnt as good as this girl and didnt have the range of that girl, or the powerful voice or the entertaining ablity or the -fill in the blank with any of the million of excuses I used.... So I contiuned to allow this attitude to grow.

About two weeks ago I was talking to Kristin on the phone and the subject came up. I said something to the degree of how I became nervous in front of people, and her response was very gentle (as she always is) But she made me realize that its not nerves, its sin. I'm fearing man, and doubting God. If my trust was in Him and my eyes were on Him and not the audience then what would I have to be nervous about. I spent sometime praying over this and saw just how much I have allowed this sin to take root in my heart!

This past week my thoughts on talent have definitely been challenged in new ways! And other memebers of our church (Carol Eberwien and Ron Furrow) were so faithful to remind me again that this is truly a head game. They gave me advice from a vocalist's perspective with the wisdom of God all over it! I am so thankfull for them and their willingness to speak into me life!

Have I beaten this sin area? I don't know. But I am praying against it! God has given me such an opportunity, I do not want to allow my sin to get in the way of what I am supposed to be doing for Him! Yesterday I heard an old song by Rich Mullins on the radio, most of you probably know it, the line that really hit me between the eyes was "You have been King of my glory, now won't You be my Prince of Peace." And that is my prayer too!